Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
