Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
