I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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