So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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