My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
