there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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