i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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