So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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