OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
