I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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