I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
