I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
