I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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