dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
