Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
