Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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