***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
