Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
