I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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