YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
