Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
