This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
