I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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