I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
