dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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