I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize