in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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