I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
