How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
