Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
