Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
