you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
