i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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