I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
