The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
