I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
