he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize