I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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