Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
