opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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