I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
