You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He better not be in your backpack
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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