i wish peter jackson would direct porn
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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