Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
