I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
