did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
