Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
