Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
