I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
