I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
