just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
