He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
