I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
