A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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