Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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