also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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