I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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