After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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