I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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