I am puke
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
