hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
