So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize