tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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