so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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