dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
