I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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