we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
