how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
