One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
