Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His nipple licking is glorious
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