you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
