call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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