thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
