I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize