I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
