i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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