He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
