I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
