Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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