google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
