we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
