I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
