His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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