Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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