he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
