I'm so fucking centered right now
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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