Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
