Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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