I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
