Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
