That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
