his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
