Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
