just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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