I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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