She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize