Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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