im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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