I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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