I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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