Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
