If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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