thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
