my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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