im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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