Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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