my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
