Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
