Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sober January is a disaster.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize