Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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