I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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