wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize