It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
