I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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