guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
